THIS is what I'm worried about. The struggle within my soul, of good and evil. I worry that the good that is in me will grow weak and dull through laziness, through misuse of power, through neglect of the sacred principles such as prayer and scripture study that empower my righteous side. I know that I have many weaknesses, far too many and too private to be listed here. And sometimes, my weaknesses overwhelm me. I am doing pretty well now, but this possibility still haunts me.
So how do I deal with this? I focus on the things I can control. Dark impulses and desires can be like terrorists, biding their time until they strike at their most opportune moment. I have a feeling that this is the reason behind the "all hell breaks loose" type of days we have - we spill food over ourselves on the way to work, get yelled at, forget assignments until it's too late, come home and meet a home in chaos. The only way I know how to deal with this is to hold true to the principles that I know to be correct - which, if I hold to, will help me arrive at the other side of these impulses intact. These principles, such as faith and love and hope, are held together and guarded by one overarching principle: integrity.
"When one has integrated all of these attributes [faith, hope, charity, etc.] within his being, when they become the moving force of all his thoughts, actions, and desires, then he may be said to possess integrity, which has been defined as 'a state or quality of being complete, undivided, or unbroken; moral soundness, honesty and uprightness.'
Let us pursue this thought of a man being whole within himself, or undivided. Such a one would never find himself at war within himself as to which course to pursue or which decision to make. Constantly there would be a unity of purpose. There would not be, as someone has said, “one self for church, another self for business, another for recreation, home, travel, and so on....
The exact opposite of such vacillating is the life and character of the one to whom we should hold fast as the very ideal of integrity—Jesus Christ, the Savior, who taught that man cannot live a divided life, that he cannot serve both God and mammon, and that he cannot serve two masters. Not only were Christ’s teachings directed to a oneness of purpose, but his own life was the personification of integrity. This virtue is one of our greatest needs today." - President N. Eldon Tanner
If I have integrity, I will keep to my principles above all else. I will guard myself against all outside forces that seek to break me down or seduce me, and likewise guard myself against all inside forces that try to guide me contrary to these principles. It is true that we all need to listen to our hearts when we make decisions, but if I have a feeling that I must go seduce a married woman, I can clearly see that that impulse is a wrong decision. So I need to discern between even competing feelings in my own heart. The one that "feels right", that rings clear and true - that is the principle that I have to go with. And above all else, I have to follow the example of my Savior. If Christ would not do it, then I cannot do that either. How do I decide what He wants me to do? I can tell often through my feelings. However, more often, He simply tells me. And He will tell you if you just take the time to listen. It may be hard, but the effort it takes to hear His words is worth all that you might sacrifice. For if you have His words, His guidance, then you can hold to that and trust that you will be safe. You will make right decisions, regardless of the immediate outcomes. Trust Him.
And so we go.
And so we go.
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